The dream

Will had a dream last night that we had a baby girl. It was an odd dream but in the dream our baby was a girl. Will thinks it is going to be a girl. I am still unsure mostly because I don't want to be thinking one way or the other when we get the news. Only time will tell. I am so excited and can't believe how slowly time has started to go. I am sure that from now until our referral time will appear to be crawling.

Baby Done

Those were the words uttered by Eli as I pulled him out of his car seat last night. He simply said "baby done." I do believe in odd coincidences and so I wrote the date and time of Eli's exclamation just in case he is right and his baby brother or sister was born on September 24th.

Bad day for Eli

On Fridays I substitute teach for my old school district. It's a way for me to get out of the house and for Eli to be with kids his age at an in-home daycare. I love Brittany, his daycare provider, but Friday was a bad day. Eli screamed when I left him again but he did calm down and did really well until about 10. After that it all went down hill. He had a complete meltdown, didn't eat much lunch, and didn't eat much snack. I don't think he napped well either. When I got there to pick him up he said "momma" in the tiniest little voice and then I heard that quiet gasp like he had just finished sobbing. I picked him up and he hugged me so tight and didn't want to let me go. When we didn't leave right away he started to cry again. We will try it a couple more Fridays but if this keeps up I think I will stop subbing. I was going to do a couple pre-requested Mondays as well but I think I won't be doing that. I think one day is enough for me. I love my Eli time too much. This meltdown has made us reconsider who will be going to Ethiopia again. We can't make up our minds. There are just too many factors and what ifs to consider

The waiting

The waiting is easier the second time around. I think because we are busier. Eli keeps us busy and moving all the time. There is barely time in the day to sit and stew about waiting. I think about our soon to be baby daily. I wonder if they are born yet or if they are still in their momma's belly? I wonder if it's a boy or a girl? I wonder a lot of things. I think about how we have been waiting since June 7th and it's already September. It's been 3 months already. We are in our 4th month of waiting. That doesn't even seem possible. I hope now that summer is over and life slows down a bit that I don't become impatient or the wait doesn't seem to slow down. I will just wait as patiently as someone can wait for their little baby.

Worried....

I have a lot of thoughts tonight. I am worried these days about Eli's acceptance of a new baby into the house. I don't think it will go very well. I know that it is going to be a huge challenge and a huge adjustment. Eli gets very jealous when I interact in any way with another baby and will lash out at me. I think it is going to be ugly. There is a little glimmer of hope though. When I was visiting Hollie and the twins I held the babies a couple of times. Each time Eli would get real standoffish and find somewhere else to be so I would need to come and find him. The last time I held him he was playing with Matt and when he saw I was holding the baby he threw himself on the floor and put his arms up for me to come and get him. I told him to walk over and he could sit with mommy too. Eventually he kind of crawled over and finally he climbed up next to me. He was still pretty standoffish but within a couple of minutes he was touching the babies hand and being very gentle. That makes me hold out hope that bringing a baby home will be okay. I am not hoping for great just okay with a long warm up period.

It has been a while

Yeah, I know it has been a while. It was a very busy summer for us. We had a great labor day at my mom and dad's and enjoyed the weekend knowing I didn't have to go to work. This staying home thing has really lightened the stress at home and allowed us to have weekends again. I never realized just how much being a teacher affected my life at home. I loved my job but the ability to not worry about what needs to be graded or planned or finished or taken home has really let me enjoy my family more. It allows us to be free from planning things around the work I have to do at night. I miss my students more than I thought I would but wow has it made me a better mom and wife. I just feel really free of the stress of a job and that has made such a difference in our life. It wasn't something that was hindering our family but life without it is certainly nice. Life has just felt good. I am thinking I may need to find a line of work where I can leave my work at work. Hmmmm.....now what could that be? I have time to explore. I will be home with the kids for a couple of years.

Oatmeal

Can you believe it Eli's new word is oatmeal! It is completely ridiculous. A 19 month old shouldn't be able to say oatmeal. I even have a witness. My brother Will was headed into the basement when he heard Eli say oatmeal. I wasn't even teaching it to him. I just told him that we were having oatmeal for breakfast. After I told him that a couple of times he just shouted out oatmeal. I am completely speechless....he must be a genius.