The dream

Will had a dream last night that we had a baby girl. It was an odd dream but in the dream our baby was a girl. Will thinks it is going to be a girl. I am still unsure mostly because I don't want to be thinking one way or the other when we get the news. Only time will tell. I am so excited and can't believe how slowly time has started to go. I am sure that from now until our referral time will appear to be crawling.

Baby Done

Those were the words uttered by Eli as I pulled him out of his car seat last night. He simply said "baby done." I do believe in odd coincidences and so I wrote the date and time of Eli's exclamation just in case he is right and his baby brother or sister was born on September 24th.

Bad day for Eli

On Fridays I substitute teach for my old school district. It's a way for me to get out of the house and for Eli to be with kids his age at an in-home daycare. I love Brittany, his daycare provider, but Friday was a bad day. Eli screamed when I left him again but he did calm down and did really well until about 10. After that it all went down hill. He had a complete meltdown, didn't eat much lunch, and didn't eat much snack. I don't think he napped well either. When I got there to pick him up he said "momma" in the tiniest little voice and then I heard that quiet gasp like he had just finished sobbing. I picked him up and he hugged me so tight and didn't want to let me go. When we didn't leave right away he started to cry again. We will try it a couple more Fridays but if this keeps up I think I will stop subbing. I was going to do a couple pre-requested Mondays as well but I think I won't be doing that. I think one day is enough for me. I love my Eli time too much. This meltdown has made us reconsider who will be going to Ethiopia again. We can't make up our minds. There are just too many factors and what ifs to consider

The waiting

The waiting is easier the second time around. I think because we are busier. Eli keeps us busy and moving all the time. There is barely time in the day to sit and stew about waiting. I think about our soon to be baby daily. I wonder if they are born yet or if they are still in their momma's belly? I wonder if it's a boy or a girl? I wonder a lot of things. I think about how we have been waiting since June 7th and it's already September. It's been 3 months already. We are in our 4th month of waiting. That doesn't even seem possible. I hope now that summer is over and life slows down a bit that I don't become impatient or the wait doesn't seem to slow down. I will just wait as patiently as someone can wait for their little baby.

Worried....

I have a lot of thoughts tonight. I am worried these days about Eli's acceptance of a new baby into the house. I don't think it will go very well. I know that it is going to be a huge challenge and a huge adjustment. Eli gets very jealous when I interact in any way with another baby and will lash out at me. I think it is going to be ugly. There is a little glimmer of hope though. When I was visiting Hollie and the twins I held the babies a couple of times. Each time Eli would get real standoffish and find somewhere else to be so I would need to come and find him. The last time I held him he was playing with Matt and when he saw I was holding the baby he threw himself on the floor and put his arms up for me to come and get him. I told him to walk over and he could sit with mommy too. Eventually he kind of crawled over and finally he climbed up next to me. He was still pretty standoffish but within a couple of minutes he was touching the babies hand and being very gentle. That makes me hold out hope that bringing a baby home will be okay. I am not hoping for great just okay with a long warm up period.

It has been a while

Yeah, I know it has been a while. It was a very busy summer for us. We had a great labor day at my mom and dad's and enjoyed the weekend knowing I didn't have to go to work. This staying home thing has really lightened the stress at home and allowed us to have weekends again. I never realized just how much being a teacher affected my life at home. I loved my job but the ability to not worry about what needs to be graded or planned or finished or taken home has really let me enjoy my family more. It allows us to be free from planning things around the work I have to do at night. I miss my students more than I thought I would but wow has it made me a better mom and wife. I just feel really free of the stress of a job and that has made such a difference in our life. It wasn't something that was hindering our family but life without it is certainly nice. Life has just felt good. I am thinking I may need to find a line of work where I can leave my work at work. Hmmmm.....now what could that be? I have time to explore. I will be home with the kids for a couple of years.

Oatmeal

Can you believe it Eli's new word is oatmeal! It is completely ridiculous. A 19 month old shouldn't be able to say oatmeal. I even have a witness. My brother Will was headed into the basement when he heard Eli say oatmeal. I wasn't even teaching it to him. I just told him that we were having oatmeal for breakfast. After I told him that a couple of times he just shouted out oatmeal. I am completely speechless....he must be a genius.

Can't even believe it.

Wow, I am staying home with my kids. I can't even believe I ever made the decision....I am thouroughly happy with it but just can't believe it. I always said I would be a working mom. I think I just figured out that although I know he will be fine in daycare that wasn't good enough for me. It's not good enough when I can spend all day with him. One day I just said I love my job but I can work any time. My kids will only be this little for a limited time and that is too precious to me. So, I did it. I quit. I left teaching last year to return....I don't know....years from now. Very scary at first but slowly the fear subsided and left behind a contentment and joy for my decision. It is so nice on the eve of "going back to school day" to think that I am not going back. I don't have to go to meetings or be away from Eli for nine hours at a time. When all the teachers I know and love are sitting in meetings I will be at the park or on a playdate. Both sound so much more fun than meetings you dread thinking about the things you should be doing in your classroom instead. I will miss my students and colleagues but I won't miss not seeing my kids. I won't miss late evenings and being tired because I have work to do, not to mention dinner, dishes, or any other chores that come up. I was afraid I would really miss my job....it's really funny....I don't miss the work at all, just the people.

Camping....it's a piece of cake!

Ha, if you camp with friends that have a son the same age as Eli and they wear each other out or you bring a long an entire extended family to help in the chasing. A whole day of running out in the fresh air really wears a momma out. It is exhausting and I had help. I can't even imagine what that would be like with 2 children. Yikes....they will keep me on my toes. Thank goodness that we have friends and family that enjoy camping as much as we do.

The summer has flown

Wow! The summer is flying by. I can't believe how fast it has gone. I suppose all the home improvement projects have helped it fly past. We have hardly gone anywhere this summer. We did take Eli camping with some friends of ours and we went to visit my sister in Chicago. Other than that it has been a homebody summer. This weekend we are going on the annual camping trip to Kidney Lake with the Howlett's. We always have a good time but the weather is always cold and rainy so, we will see what happens this weekend. What a speedy summer. Before we know it Will will have to go back to work.

Old friends..never change

Oh, it had been too long since the 3 of us had been together. We weren't even lucky enough to all make it to each other's weddings and still we all made the time to see each other this summer. Claire came up to WI to visit family and we all decided that it had been too long and it was time to get together. What I love about "good" friends is that no matter how much time has passed it's like you were just talking to each other yesterday. You can always pick up where you left off. You don't get many friends like that and when you do you have to keep them because they are precious. I often take for granted the friendships I have not remembering just how hard it is to find friends like that. Life seems so busy but it always slows down when you are spending time with a good friend. We had a wonderful afternoon and we can't wait to do it again. In the meantime we will all keep in touch. I know life keeps getting busier and busier but there is always time for a good friend.

Looking back

I can't even believe that Eli has been home for 1 year and 2 months. Time has flown by. This past week we have been transferring all the hours of video we took during the past year onto tapes and it was amazing to see just how small he was. It still floors me to know he was once that small and unable to do much of anything. It has only been a year and I have already forgotten what it was like to have a baby that small. I am amazed that he has grown up so fast. I don't even remember what it was like to have a baby that couldn't even roll over. Some things about Eli have never changed. He has the same laugh and shout he had when he was 4 months old. It was so great to see those videos again. I am so glad we took so many videos. I hope we make the time to do that for baby #2. Looking at the videos I see that I was blinded by my motherly love for Eli. His hair was crazy for a while and I thought it was so cute. Looking at it now I wish I would have cut it sooner, it would have looked less chaotic. Oh well, you live and learn.

Lucy's sick

Last Friday we found out that Lucy has cancer of the lymph nodes. She wasn't eating and was very sick so we took her to the vet. It is very sad to know that she has cancer and any treatment we give her will only put the cancer in remission for a year. She is taking some medication so she will eat and won't feel any pain. The vet says she has 3-6 months. We are very sad and know that this will be the hardest on Eli. Lucy has been around since he can remember. He won't understand and he will just be mad. He loves his doggie, remember that was his first word, and is so affectionate with her. He always asks about her and when we say we are going home his response is always, "Lucy". It is going to be a rough fall.

Ah, the waiting

We have already been through month 1 of the wait and are quickly approaching month 2. Time is going rather quickly these days but I attribute that to spending my days chasing an 18 month old around the house. Time sure flies when you have a child. There are just not enough hours in the day and too many precious moments you don't want to miss. Right now I can't even imagine having 2. Some days I think we are crazy, life is perfect just the way it is, why would we change that. Then I look around and feel like something is missing, feel like Eli would miss out if he didn't have a sibling, feel like our family is not complete yet. I can't wait to bring home baby #2. I am so very afraid of the enourmous change it will bring to our lives but also very excited.

On our journey...

As most of you know Will, Eli and I are playing the waiting game for baby #2. We are very excited about this and can't wait to bring baby #2 home. We started talking about adopting again in the winter sometime and had decided to wait until the end of the summer. Then as summer approached we realized we didn't want to wait that long to bring another baby home. So, we called Anne, our home study social worker, and got the ball rolling (May 1st). Just a month later, June 7, 2007 to be exact, we were on the waiting list for an infant from Ethiopia. We are not choosing a gender and waiting to see what destiny brings us. I believe we were destined for Eli and I believe baby #2 is destined for us, boy or girl. The wait is 7-9 months until a referral and 9-12 months until we travel. We will finish month #2 on August 7th...we have a long road ahead of us. I won't start to get anxious until November 1st...then every time the phone rings I will get excited. We are very excited and already starting to talk about baby #2 with Eli. I think it will be a rough transition for him but I know that he will adjust well. Eli is 18 months old now and we expect he will be 24-27 months old when we bring our little one home. He will have a rough time sharing the attention with someone else. He loves being the center of everyone's world.